Yet Another Confession

In the past month I’ve begun watching a YouTube channel that absolutely appalls me.

I haven’t the slightest idea why I watch it. There is no good reason. I don’t get anything out of it except a sense of horror. Nor do I understand it.

YouTube is a weird place. You can find genuinely informative videos that teach you something or help you fix something and then you get some channels that you just don’t understand. Or at least I don’t.

The channel I’m talking about is a cooking show hosted by a woman who seems very nice, and who is super morbidly obese. She cooks an awful lot of different kinds of foods, from savory to sweet. I haven’t been able to find one yet that is comprised of ingredients that are good for you The cakes, puddings, and different kinds of cookies would put a diabetic into a coma.

I don’t know why I watch. I don’t know why it fascinates me, unless it’s a sense of disbelief for what someone is eating. Trust me, even in my eating crap days I wouldn’t have made one of these recipes.

What somebody else eats is none of my business and I recognize that on a conscious, intellectual level. Why, then, am I so fascinated with this woman’s insistence on making everything unbelievably sweet or filled with savory and not good for you ingredients?

It might be voyeurism.

When I was sent to Chicago for about six weeks to help a company move their corporation to San Antonio, they flew me back every weekend. However, during the week I stayed in an apartment on the 30th floor in a high rise called Park Place. I wasn’t all that happy about it, because I swear I could feel the building sway in a high wind. But I found out something weird about myself. I was absolutely fascinated to sit in the living room and watch all the windows of all the high-rises around me. It was like Rear Window. I wanted to know what was going on in all those apartments.

Or it could just be being a writer. We’re invariably curious. Or nosy. 🙂

What do you think?

4 thoughts on “Yet Another Confession”

  1. I will tell you what I think and hope that you aren’t mad at me saying it. I think that you enjoy watching the fat woman videos and the one with the cooking channel because you like to watch someone who is clearly out of control and you exercise complete control over every thing you put in your mouth. It seems to almost be a “Hahaha look at me, I’m nothing like you.” I do think you have empathy for them but are glad you have more willpower.

    You’ve mentioned that your whole life you’ve had a weight problem and for the past several years you’ve spent much of your time analyzing food, all kinds and have pretty much stricken everything that could be characterized as delicious, maybe fattening or not very good for you on your no-no list.

    I hope you still like me 😢

    • Well, I did ask for opinions, didn’t I?
      I’ve been thinking about my answer ever since I read your comment, Toni. My first response was to deny that I was like the Pharisee in the Bible story, saying, “Thank you, God, for making me as good as I am.” Then, I wondered if I was just in denial. Maybe that’s exactly what I was doing.
      Honestly? I don’t think so.
      Ever since I started learning about the food industry, I’ve been getting angry. None of us stand a chance. Unless we realize what’s happening we’re just one more statistic, subjected to obesity and diabetes. It isn’t sugar that causes diabetes, by the way, but I won’t get on my soapbox about that.
      I don’t watch “large” women’s videos. I stumbled across a reaction video to Amberlynn Reid which is why I commented on her on YouTube, but as a habit, no. I’m too aware that there, but for the grace of God, go I.
      This particular person I watch is a outlier. I see her as being symptomatic of what is going on in our country and maybe the Western world.
      I’m so sorry that I gave you an impression of me that resulted in such a low opinion. Familiarity breeds contempt and all that.

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