An Open Letter to God

God, I know you have a lot on your plate and in the scheme of things this isn’t really important. However, I did want to drop you a line and tell you thanks from the bottom of my heart for getting me home yesterday.

Thank you, also, for giving me my son who was my lifeline while I found myself so hopelessly lost I was halfway to Austin before I realized where the hell (sorry, God) I was.

God, you know that I have a lamentable sense of direction. I don’t take shortcuts. I don’t go off the beaten path. I can get lost going home if it’s not a straight line. You also know that, if I have an appointment somewhere new, that I will do a dry run to find the place. That’s what I did yesterday, God.

San Antonio is in a constant state of construction. They’re still working on 281 and 1604. I thought I was on 1604 at one point only to realize that I was heading north.

I found the place where I have to go next week, but I have no idea how I got there. When I started back home that’s when the fun ensued. For two hours I did one turnaround after another. The maps app was telling me: turn left at the exit except that I couldn’t exit, you stupid app. I was, no kidding, yelling at the app like a loony face.

I finally turned the damned thing off (sorry, God) and tried a seat of the pants thing. Two hours later I called my son just to hear a friendly voice and tell him that I would see him next year. Either that or the police would be calling him with a tale of finding a desiccated skeleton on a deserted road between here and Timbuktu. She had your name stapled to her collar and a grimace on her face. We couldn’t pry her cold, dead hands from the steering wheel.

Know what I did when I finally picked up Stanley and got home? (Besides weeping like a loon because I recognized stuff.) I canceled the appointment and told them I’m never ever going to try to get to that place again and found another doctor.

And for that, God, thank you. Thank you, also, that I don’t have to go anywhere until next week. Until then I’m locking the house and staying inside.

25 thoughts on “An Open Letter to God”

  1. So awful and so funny at the same time!!
    I am directionally challenged so I can totally relate. I do use maps with reasonably good luck but then I’m not attempting to drive in big cities. So glad you made it home safely.

  2. Oh God Karen that’s awful! I tell you the truth I really hate those apps. What works better for me is to print off directions and take them with me. You know if you ever get in a bind and John isn’t available you can always call me. I feel terrible that you did this for two hours you poor thing. I’m so glad everything turned out okay. That sounds scary.

  3. If you were using Google maps and go into route options you can tell it no highways or toll roads it will keep you on the side street which in my opinion are easier than the highways in San Antonio.

  4. Sounds like my trip to Dallas. My map app has a share option. Since I was traveling by myself across several states, my daughter asked me to share, so she could follow my route. She suffers from severe anxiety and this helped relieve her about my safety.

    She called me later that night and said “I take it u got lost”. She had looked on the site and it said I was 15 minutes away from my destination. When she happened to look again an hour later, after realizing it had not stated I was at my destination, it said I was 45 minutes away from my destination. That went on for 3 hours. There’s a lot of construction in Dallas and the map app was telling me to turn on roads that didn’t exist or wasn’t named what it said. It would also tell me to turn at the last minute because it was trying to correct my missed turn. Unfortunately, there was so much traffic I couldn’t get over. I ended up on the Express route that required a permit. Twice! After I finally got to the hotel, I refused to go anywhere until it was time to leave. Going back was almost as bad but I ended up in part of that construction I mentioned and a nice worker got me going in the right direction. Lol

    A couple weeks after I got home, I got a bill in the mail from the great state of Texas telling me to pay up for using the Express Lane. Ugh

    • I didn’t even know we had Express Lanes in Texas. Good grief. I was on this endless route to nowhere. I felt like the man without a country, just doing one turnaround after another. Gad.

  5. I can totally sympathize with your situation. I went to the doctor that I had been to once before. They sent me across the hall for bloodwork. The nurse and I had a nice visit while there. Then she told me I could go back across the hall to the doctor’s office. She had taken me down the hall to take my blood and I was just following her, not noticing which way I turned, so I got turned around going back out. I finally followed the EXIT sign and she saw me. She asked where are you going hun….I said I guess I’m lost, so she showed me the way out. I felt terribly inept.

    Have a good day.

    • I’ve done that. You should have seen me at DFW Airport. I took three trains to find my connecting flight. It was definitely a “moment”. 🙂

  6. Ma’am, Honey, Sweetheart,

    You are not alone. First of all, I want to tell you something, I did not learn to drive until I was over 50 years old. Mr Wonderful wanted me where I could not spend his money and I stayed where he put me. So, I was a very late bloomer.

    Now fast forward a few years, and I accepted a job with FEMA. That is the agency that deals with disasters all over the United States. And even though I used airplanes to get to those places, I had to drive around once I was there. In North Dakota and Iowa and places like that, I could do OK. But, stick me in a place with a population of more than 10, I could get in trouble. Big Trouble.

    I got lost in the Nashville airport. Yes, IN an airport. There was construction and I was trying to get to the place to turn in the rental car. I drove in circles. Again and again, cause I could not find a way to get off the loop I was on. I finally ran into (no not literally) a woman. I cried and cried out of relief. She gave me specific directions. I found the car rental place and did make the plane.

    That does not count getting lost in Pennsylvania, or Georgia or parts of East Texas. Does not count the time I stopped for directions at a filling station (on my way to a job interview) left the keys in the car and locked myself out. Was late to the job interview.

    So, God did bless you. And He has blessed me at times like that too. In fact, he has blessed me in many ways. And I know from getting to know you from this blog that you are blessed in many ways…..so take a deep breath, remember that you are a beautiful and talented woman who is capable of doing many wonderful things with your life.

    And do what I do, before I go anywhere, I look at a map online, write out my instructions, sometimes printing out the said map and give myself huge amount of time to get wherever.

    If you want to be reminded that God knows what he is doing….You and I were not Lewis and Clark. We’d still be wandering in the wilderness looking for that big body of water called the Pacific.

    • Oh Lord, I have such admiration for pioneers. I don’t think Lewis and Clark knew where they were going, either. They had a smart woman to guide them.

      I was horribly lost in DFW Airport. And also in London’s Heathrow. That was really bad. I missed my plane on that one. I shall not go traveling again… 🙂

  7. It’s amazing how a map app can get you nowhere fast. I missed a turn once and that caused me to miss another and oh, Lordy, I had a time of it, and it was rush hour.

    Definitely, a “Jesus take the wheel” moment of prayer and gratitude.

    • I hate it when they gently but firmly repeat that you need to do something except that you can’t. I nearly threw my phone at the windshield. Love that “Jesus take the wheel” moment. 🙂

  8. I’m so sorry. I can imagine how stressed you must have been. It’s better to find doctors close to home.

    • The funny part was I looked on my phone while I was waiting for Stanley, called another dermatologist and discovered that I’d been to them ten years earlier (and didn’t remember). They’re not closer, but they’re easier to get to, thank heavens.

  9. Welcome to my world. I once got so lost on the way to the airport. I have lived within 30 minutes of it for 40 years yet it took me 2 hours to untangle myself from my screwup. I visited parts of Harris county I didn’t even know while my 16 yr old grandson cooled his heels waiting for me to pick him up . Add my complete inability to find my way out of a paper bag and my terror of a complete breakdown it was not a fun day. When I finally arrived at Bush international I had an irrational desire to get out of the car and kiss the payment just as when we came back into the us from Mexico.

    • I was running low on gas and had to also go to the bathroom (after two hours of this). I was eyeing the construction workers’ porta potties at one point. 🙂

  10. I laughed my head off – sorry. I totally commensurate with you because I too have no sense of direction. I give you so much credit for even attempting it!! I have so many places crossed off my list because I don’t have the courage. I live in the suburbs of Pittsburgh and there is no way in hell I am ever driving into the city. When I do drive around the suburbs I usually know exactly what lane I should be in – detest merging.

    • I actually drove in Chicago, can you believe it? It was my territory when I was in sales. Of course, I was in my twenties then and had the courage of a lion. I’ve become a pussy cat in the intervening years. 🙂

  11. Thanks for that morning chuckle! I too have been in your predicament. I am positive everyone has been at least once. If they don’t admit it, I suspect they are lying! Your “travels” remind me to make sure my next car has a compass. Thankfully you made a “dry run”.

    • I tell you, Nancy, I was never so glad to see my own house. It was like, Come to Mama, baby. I promise to never leave you again!!!

  12. How horrible! I usually have a good sense of direction, but if I get in heavy traffic I can panic and get lost—it is not a good feeling.

    • I am trying to do more and more things to get out of my comfort zone, but this was ridiculous. I was out of my comfort zone all right. I was almost in Austin!

  13. Karen,
    I’m sorry you had so much trouble. But, thanks for the laugh! That has happened to me before. Use “WAZE”. Sometimes they get confused too. So if it happens again. Get out of the app. and give it a minute. Go back and re-inter the address. That’s what worked for me. Especially if roads have changed. Hope this helps. Glad you made it home safe.
    Rita

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