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God, I know you have a lot on your plate and in the scheme of things this isn’t really important. However, I did want to drop you a line and tell you thanks from the bottom of my heart for getting me home yesterday.

Thank you, also, for giving me my son who was my lifeline while I found myself so hopelessly lost I was halfway to Austin before I realized where the hell (sorry, God) I was.

God, you know that I have a lamentable sense of direction. I don’t take shortcuts. I don’t go off the beaten path. I can get lost going home if it’s not a straight line. You also know that, if I have an appointment somewhere new, that I will do a dry run to find the place. That’s what I did yesterday, God.

San Antonio is in a constant state of construction. They’re still working on 281 and 1604. I thought I was on 1604 at one point only to realize that I was heading north.

I found the place where I have to go next week, but I have no idea how I got there. When I started back home that’s when the fun ensued. For two hours I did one turnaround after another. The maps app was telling me: turn left at the exit except that I couldn’t exit, you stupid app. I was, no kidding, yelling at the app like a loony face.

I finally turned the damned thing off (sorry, God) and tried a seat of the pants thing. Two hours later I called my son just to hear a friendly voice and tell him that I would see him next year. Either that or the police would be calling him with a tale of finding a desiccated skeleton on a deserted road between here and Timbuktu. She had your name stapled to her collar and a grimace on her face. We couldn’t pry her cold, dead hands from the steering wheel.

Know what I did when I finally picked up Stanley and got home? (Besides weeping like a loon because I recognized stuff.) I canceled the appointment and told them I’m never ever going to try to get to that place again and found another doctor.

And for that, God, thank you. Thank you, also, that I don’t have to go anywhere until next week. Until then I’m locking the house and staying inside.