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Dear Instagram:

I’ve never used you before. I swear. I’m raising my hand here and spitting in the wind. How can you possibly lock my account for violating your terms of service before I posted a flipping thing? I guess you must know something that I don’t. I swear I bathe. I don’t abuse animals. I’m a good citizen.

Well, Instagram, I’m trying again. This is the THIRD ACCOUNT I’VE SET UP WITH YOU. So far I’ve posted mostly Stanley’s photos. I can’t vouch for his entire life, but he’s been a model dog citizen since May, 2018.

How come you allow nudity on Instagram, but I get blocked before I post anything? Just asking for a friend.

My Instagram account: Karen.Ranney (please note the . between first and last name). (Writer Karen Ranney is the account that Instagram blocked, so if you followed that one I’ll never be able to post anything to it.) Also, did you know there was a #karenranney hashtag? Me neither. Here’s the whole URL: https://www.instagram.com/Karen.Ranney/

Dear Twitter:

You’ve been the only easy thing in this whole mess. Thank you for that. I could care less about getting a verified blue check. I had one of those once and it didn’t make me a millionaire or cure acne. But I really do appreciate that you haven’t locked my account. Yet.

My Twitter account: KarenRanney1 (This is the only one I am posting to. I wouldn’t be surprised if there’s another one, two, or three floating around. Sigh.) Here’s the whole URL: https://twitter.com/KarenRanney1

Dear Facebook,

Have you lost your everlovin’ mind?

You disabled my account. I haven’t the slightest idea why. When I inquired you told me to send you an ID. I sent you one without my social, birth date, or other personal stuff. Then you wanted a picture. Nope, that was too small. Bigger picture, please. Okay. That was July 11th. I’m still disabled. I give up. I no longer care.

Dear Facebook, please _____________________________. (You know what I’m thinking. I don’t really need to type the words, do I?)

My blog/website will always be my primary link with the outside world. Thank heavens.