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I’m practicing with my new camera for my YouTube debut. I am so ignorant of everything I need to do for YouTube, but I’m learning. The editing software is a trip.

The first time I took a video of myself I was on the CardioStrider. I told myself I looked like hell because I was exercising strenuously. Hah! Honey chile, it didn’t get better. So, I went to various rooms. Then I used a special light. Then I used my phone.

Nope, still wasn’t better. I saw my grandmother in my face. Not my mother. My grandmother.

Okay, then. I assessed the situation. I am pale. Like a zombie pale. Who knew that the older you get the more washed out you become? Nature has decided that I need to look like a turkey, neck wise. That was a big shockoroo when it happened a few months ago. One day you’re fine. The next, wham! Gobble, gobble, Karen. My hair is thinning. I took a photo of the top of my head. Have you ever done that? Remember last September when I had the parathyroidectomy? Well, they told me that my hair would stop falling out and come back in within six months. It ain’t happening, baby. I almost have male pattern baldness. Rolling eyes.

I didn’t face any of this “stuff” (and you know I want to use another word SO BAD) a few years ago.

I started experimenting with makeup. I haven’t done that since I was a teenager. Honest. So I decided that maybe my makeup was too blah. I amped it up. I felt a little bit like a hooker, honestly. But I did the whole thing with the eyelashes – not fake, because I’ve never mastered those – more color on my face, more eye shadow. I bought a volumizer for my hair. I trimmed it in places.

Then I took another video.

This was marginally better. I guess I have to look like a hooker.  I ordered a bunch of new makeup from Amazon. It came yesterday. I sat at my vanity this morning primping like a teenager. I don’t mind looking my age. Oh, who am I kidding. I do mind looking my age. I want to look better than my age. And if I have to look like a hooker to do that, then howdy sailor, want a date?

Before I took Stanley to the groomer I washed it all off. 🙂

I forgot how sensitive my eyes are. I can’t wear liquid foundation. It makes my eyes water. I’m going to have to keep up with the mineral stuff. And no glaring shades of eyeshadow, either. The volumizer stuff worked great. A new hairstyle might be necessary, though. And, if you see me wearing an infinity scarf you know why (gobble, gobble).