La Snark Comes Out to Play

Y’all, let’s just say that I’m annoyed enough to be, well, snarky. It doesn’t happen all that often, but I am having no success in censoring myself today. This post is a total mixed bag, so here goes:

Sports Illustrated, have you lost your everlovin’ mind? First you feature a model in a burkini (please.)

then you’re doing a morbidly obese model.

I do not subscribe to the Health At Every Size movement, y’all. You may say you’re healthy, but I can tell, from looking at you, that your cholesterol sucks. And I’d be willing to bet that your blood sugar and blood pressure does, too. If nothing else, morbidly obese people live fewer years. (I confess to having lost lots of weight in the past six months – so I know all about bio markers. I’ve recently had to stop one blood pressure medication and ease up on one because I have lost weight and my BP is so much better than it was. My blood sugar is now almost normal and I’ll get my cholesterol tested in the next month.)

The Health at Every Size (HAES) movement annoys the hell out of me. It’s a pro-fat movement. I recently watched a video where the guy made the best point: separate aesthetics from health. You may say that you think fat is beautiful. That’s great. But fat isn’t healthy. Had to agree with him.

Stanley, the Silly, Special, Sensitive, Scheming, Scornful (and yes, I had to look up words that start with S) Saboteur is still kicking my butt. I changed his food. He’s changed our routine. I changed his bowl. He refuses to eat. I reinstated the bowl. He decided he might have a nibble or two. The rain falls. The pee doesn’t. He’s winning.

This morning, for example, when he refused to go outside because the sun was behind a cloud and the patio was wet (and he also refused to go outside last night before bed because it had rained), I lost it. Picture me stomping around the kitchen (and I mean a bare footed cavewoman stomp) saying in a very loud voice, “I will not have this. I will not do this. You will not do this.” Times about 50. I managed to calm myself down, then took him (on his leash) into the office with me to work. He consented to go outside after the sun came out, the patio dried up, and there was no rain in the forecast.

Two sites if you’re concerned about your dog’s weight (which is why I switched Stanley’s food):

How much should your dog weigh?:

How many calories are in your dog’s food:

My problem wasn’t calculating Stanley’s food, however. It was figuring out the treats I give him during the day. I couldn’t find the calorie count for the Oravet Dental Hygiene Chews (which are great for preventing tartar, especially if your dog is resistant to having his teeth brushed, like Stanley). I had to call the company. The 24-50 pound treats run 81 calories and the 10-24 pound version is 47 calories. (It takes him about 4 minutes to eat one of these things, by the way. They’re not a chewing type treat.)

Last night my ceiling fan died in the master bedroom. It was rather spectacular. I turned it off because I noticed that the air from the fan was drying out my eyes, but I woke in the middle of the night hot. So, I went to turn on the fan’s wall switch. It made this really loud pop and sparks flew. It’s directly over my bed so the first thought was, “Holy crap, it’s going to fall on my bed. We’ll have a giant fire and I’ll have to grab Stanley and beat it out of here in flagrante whatever.”

No fire, but Stanley was infuriated with said fan because when I get up HE gets up. He started barking at the fan and didn’t quit for 15 minutes. By that time I didn’t care how hot I was I just wanted a little peace and quiet.

My email has been acting wonky for the past month. I had about 200 messages and now I have 1320. Hello? I am going to be plowing through these, so if you sent me anything and didn’t get a reply there might be a reason for it.

Okay, my snark is done. I’m now off to schedule an electrician to replace the ceiling fan, the trash people to help me clean up the garage, and maybe hire a mobile padded cell for either Stanley or me. The jury’s still out as to who will be the patient.

6 thoughts on “La Snark Comes Out to Play”

  1. I have to agree with you on the fat movement. Just because you accept yourself as being fat doesn’t mean it’s okay. I can talk because I haven’t weighed anywhere near 125 since I got out of the Navy. At my age I’m really not trying to be thin anymore but I am trying to be healthy. So the three conditions that I have: Diabetes, Fibromylgia, and one that I won’t mention all had one common denominator: Sugar. So, I have been checking my sugar levels 3-4 times per day, have cut way back on simple sugars, (no candy or baked goods) but have cut those out pretty much. That really was the only way that I ate badly except for the occasional past dish. I’m walking 30 minutes per day during lunch time at work so I have started slimming day and my sugar is better.

    We had a guy from TAKL replace our ceiling fan. His name is Charles and he’s fabulous.

    You should have just left his butt outside Karen. I’ve done that to Daisy before. She doesn’t want to go out in the wet yard either, but I don’t have time for that mess. Your yard is fenced in so he wasn’t in danger of escaping. He knows he’s got it good.

    Le Snark. That’s pretty much my daily MO especially when I’m at work.

  2. I just love your emails. I always learn so much and you make me laugh
    Can you remind me why you lost weight. Limited your foods. Can’t remember. Acid reflux. Hmmmm

  3. I strongly suggest your new ceiling fan should have a remote control – then you don’t have to get out of bed to turn it off/on ore regulate the speed, or control the light (if it has one) – that’s as long as you leave the wall switch ‘on’. I have a newer one w/remote in my tv area – remote is very helpful. I have an old fan in the bedroom – really wish it had a remote! And remote doesn’t add much to the price.

  4. There is a theory that a dog will eat when he gets hungry. Until then, it is a contest. And have you ever tried him on green beans? They are low fat, different in flavor and a few may inspire him to get interested in eating again.

    • Green beans, carrots, peas, strawberries, cherries, banana, tiny bits of tomato. Nope to all. He will, however, eat one kidney bean. Go figure. Today I just gave up. I put his food in the old bowl, put it in my office and waited for him to get around to it. He finally did. Anything to be difficult. 🙂

      For some reason he’s taken a dislike to where his bowls are. They’re next to a pillar that separates the kitchen from the dining room and living room. I think it’s too open for him. I don’t mind bringing his food into the office if he feels more secure here. His favorite spot in the whole house is in front of the window in front of my desk. He is a bit of a diva. Sigh.

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