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Esperanza looks just like this, but with lips painted on her top.

The time: Friday, August 3rd. Approximately 11:47 AM.

The place: Casa Ranney

The principles: Karen Ranney, biped and Stanley Ranney, quadruped.

Motive: Escape from a life of drudgery. 

Esperanza Roomba, known to cohabit with Pedro Roomba at the above address, has been missing since Friday, August 3rd. Speculation abounds that Ms. Roomba, in an effort to escape her endless chore of cleaning up after the Ranneys, sought a better life, perhaps somewhere in Mexico where it’s rumored she has family. 

After exhaustive interviews with the principles, only one of which spoke English, no foul play is suspected. However, the whereabouts of Esperanza remain a mystery. Extensive searches were performed of Casa Ranney but this officer and his partner have been unable to locate the missing Ms. Roomba. 

Ms. Ranney, one of the principles, commented, “It’s the oddest thing. Normally, when they don’t go back to their docking stations I look around the house and they’ve gotten stuck on something or just stopped in the middle of cleaning. I’ve looked everywhere, all the normal spots and I can’t find Esperanza.” 

We will expand our search perimeter to include the street outside Casa Ranney. In the meantime, if the public has seen a Roomba with a painted pair of lips, the police are asking that you call our tip line. The Roomba answers to the name of Esperanza. 

A reward leading to her safe return or information concerning her location has been posted. 


MacGruff, Crime Dog

(Seriously, how do you lose a Roomba? Somehow, I’ve managed to lose one.)