I hate the word “fart”. I don’t even like typing it. I’ve never said it to the best of my knowledge. Blame my Southern Belle mother for that, and the fact that I never showed up in curlers in front of either of my two husbands. I may have spent hours in the bathroom, but they didn’t see me until I was “presentable”. I know, I know, it was a different time, a different place.
Back to the word “fart”. I have a few of those words that I utterly despise and will NOT use no matter the provocation.
Why do I bring it up, you ask?
Well, I’ve been having a brain fart all month and it’s the only expression that seems to fit.
You see, I’m writing two books at once. One book is being written in the morning and I’m writing the second book in the afternoon. It’s an interesting experience, but the oddest thing is happening in the evening.
I’m absolutely brain dull. Not dead, just dull. I couldn’t utter a sparkling sentence if my life depended on it. I’ve started pointing at things so Flash understands. I say, “Uh,” a lot when talking on the phone.
My neighbors sent me an email last Friday that someone would be replacing the fence between our property. Okay, I said I would keep Flash on a long lead when he went outside or take him to the front yard to do his thing. Flash is NOT an outdoor dog and never will be. It’s a pain in the wazoo to brush him every other day as it is, I can’t imagine what it would be like with stickers in his coat.
This is Tuesday. They’ve been working on the fence since Saturday. Frankly, I’m glad they’re still hammering despite Flash’s barking. They didn’t seem to realize that the back of MY fence is connected to the corner of THEIR fence. Oops, it looks like your fence is coming down, Mrs. Ranney. Oops, times two. To their credit, they’re out there right now repairing it. Flash is peeing on the end of a leash and is not a happy canine.
I calculated how much time it takes to tend to Flash’s essentials every week:
Brushing – every other day, 30 minutes each session.
Teeth brushing – every other day, 10 minutes each session.
Recall of tricks and training – every day, 15 minutes alternating with expanded training on Saturdays.
Playing – includes games, toys, and lure pole – every day, 30 minutes per day.
So, by my calculations that’s a little over 8 hours per week. Add an hour a day for 6 days (we get Sundays off) of exercising and that’s 14 hours a week of dog work. That does not include lectures (What are you barking at now, goofy? Will you hurry up and go, for heaven’s sake? No, I don’t care if you’re whining, it’s too early to get up!) or mandatory cuddles (mandatory for me, but only if I have kibble in my pocket). Nor does it include the doling out and distribution of food.
Now when I’m planning on my week, I’ll know to carve out at least 14 hours and set it aside for Flash the Wonder Pooch.